Alien Vs. Predator

Alien vs. Predator vs. A Great Movie
by Michael Flanagan

Solid

As is, the movie is fun but flawed.  The setup takes a little too much time.  Not a lot, but nothing really interesting happens.  The reason?  There's a lot of plotting, but no character development, and while this can sometimes work in a sci-fi setting, if you're in present day, you need at least one truly interesting character.

"You blinked first!"  "I did not!"

The rest of the movie is fun enough, action-filled enough, but there's still something missing.  The alien-predator fights are cool, but only that.  The human death scenes are effective enough, but the cuts due to the unfortunate PG-13 rating keep them from being everything they should be.  The predators are much bigger, a little different, and, as they're younger "trainees," a little wimpier than the predators from those films.  The aliens are really great, even though they changed it a little.  Now all the aliens have queen piercing tails, and the Queen Herself is freaking huge.

But what it all comes down to is, the movie should have been great.  Unlike Freddy and Jason, this "versus" movie could have drawn from the best of action, horror, and greatly memorable, cinematically historic characters and moments.  Anderson obviously researched the original films (references include Bishop's hand trick, a nod to the original Alien ship-entrance score, the censored "one ugly motherfucker" line, The Weyland Corporation, alien guts, predator blood, one alien killing another for acid use, and an expertly designed opening title blending elements of the title sequence of Alien and the bomb-countdown device of Predator), but he seems to have missed the main point.  Alien is a great horror film, notable for major character surprises and the bloody chestbursting scene.  Bloody.  Blood.  Splattering everywhere.  Aliens is known as one of the great action movies, with character and dialogue ("Get away from her you BITCH!") and a score that is still used in trailers today.  Predator is a great action movie, one of Arnold's best, and Predator 2 is decent, and with the ending sequence on the ship that inspired all things AVP'd, is better than many give credit.  Anderson certainly nodded to the originals, but not in a truly understanding way.  Like a stranger you've passed everyday on the same walk to the office, he has nodded in slight, somewhat disinterested acknowledgement.  For that, I am appreciative, just not impressed.

Great Concept Vs. Paul W. S. Anderson

by Christian De Matteo

Wimpy

I remember my father showing me Predator for the first time.  I was maybe 12 years old and shocked, wonderfully, deliciously shocked by the gore and carnage this ass-kicker alien could level.  I loved being able to cheer for Arnold not positive he was going to survive.  The movie was a shock to the system of sci-fi/horror fans and still one of the coolest flicks ever made:  I know, I watched it again last night.

After having seen AVP.

I have been wanting Alien Vs. Predator since the last shot in Predator 2, a very well done sequel with Danny Glover, and since the great Dark Horse comics that took the idea and started a cult with it.  The problem is that the anticipation tasted much better than the movie.  I waited too long for this and it is not what I wanted.  This is a tough rating to give, because, I did enjoy the movie as a fun stand-alone diversion.  Unfortunately, the Aliens and the Predators are not Anderson's creations to do with what he pleases, which he does.  There is mythology, there is lore, there is bloody backstory that can't be ignored and there's a certain level of production and mood that also can't be forgotten.  Part of the fun of the Freddy and Jason series is that we expect them to be a little goofy, silly and funny.  There is nothing funny about the Predator and Alien films except that occasional very dark gore humor and human interaction... which wasn't in AVP at all.

Let's sum it up:

HITS:

Watching the Predators fight the Aliens.
The updated facehuggers and use of "bullet time."
The Predators weapons.
The setting.  I loved Rubicks Cube design of the temple.  And the ten minute time frame on changes.
The amount of people to be picked off.
The mountain top opening.
The keeping of the queen.
The slight, few and far between nods to the originals.
The puppets and monsters used rather than CGI.
The Scottish guy who gave it his best.
Lance Henrickson.... because I like Lance Henrickson.

MISSES:

The ease with which some of the Predators died.
The stupidity of the characters.  ("Gee, that musta been some big drill")
The general story line that blows the original "The aliens have never been on Earth before" mythology.
The bullshit PG-13 rating on a merging of two of the bloodies series ever made.
The bad usage of the 10 minute changing pyramid time device on the plot.
The fact that acid alien blood doesn't really splatter around that much when convenient for the film maker.
The fact that we didn't get to know or care about a single blasted character in the movie.  (Watch Alien, Aliens or Predator again.  You'll give a crap about the characters.)
The dialogue and plot line.
And most of all  THE DAMN PREDATOR ON A SLED.

Now, when I think of AVP, or someone mentions it's name, I think of the damned Predator doing a 1980s fiery explosion escape on a frickin sled up a ice tunnel with a black chick.  Asinine.  He should be holding her frickin' skull... though the team up aspect worked better than I thought it would and I accepted it.  I still would have rather something completely different.  And while I, yes, did enjoy the movie, it is a Wimpy because it failed to capture the horror magic of what inspired it and worked in the completely wrong way.  Sit down and think for a moment.

How many better plot lines can you come up with?

And I bet you could execute them better too.

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