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Reviews:
Survivable
(A Review for the Guys): Miss
Congeniality
by Christian De Matteo
Solid
Like so many recent comedies, as we near the last
twenty minutes, reality goes out the window because
the writers have no idea how to end the movie.
Also like so many recent comedies, the jokes
are aimed mostly at women. But unlike so many recent female-aimed comedies, you, sir,
will survive. No,
really, guys, you can get through this one.
In fact, suggest it.
(Women, what follows is guy talk, so kindly skip to
the fifth paragraph… okay, guys, we’re alone.)
Let me roll out a scenario for you: You and the young
lady of your choice (or just the one you were able
to get a gig with) are wandering the video store.
Naturally you are in the new release section
because everyone always all ends up there.
You’ve tried to talk her into Casablana—the
greatest love story ever filmed—but she believes that the fact
that it’s black and white makes it boring.
You’ve also already checked, and Pacino’s
Frankie and Johnnie is out. As
more bearable possibilities run through your mind,
she nears the B’s…Babe
7: Still Porkin’, Bad School Girls in Trouble 41
(don’t even bother, you can’t talk her into it),
Blue
Bells…BOUNCE.
No, no, no, NO! You don’t want Bounce.
Not only will it kill at least three fourths
of your intellect, but it will sap you of all sexual
drive leaving you a listless puddle helpless to
accept any possible advances.
Don’t do it. Instead, run, action movie, dramatic,
bomb-about-to-take-out-an-apartment-complex-and-freshly-fueled-gas-station-behind-you
style for the M’s, throw yourself forward as
though the bomb’s gone off and a giant, living,
breathing, ball of flame (not Harvey Feirstein) is
thrusting toward you, and rip Miss
Congeniality off the shelf…even if she’s
seen it.
Why go through all this? Aside from the fact that it’s a lot of fun to run action
movie style in a public place, the movie is
enjoyable. It is a comedy
aimed at females, make no mistake, but it is about
cops, terrorists, stupid humor and young ladies in
swimsuits competing in a beauty pageant.
In other words, eye candy.
And then there’s the running gag inserted just for
the men: Sandra
Bullock’s undercover alias is…Freebush.
I laughed at that just about every time.
No wait, exactly every time.
(Tip: Don’t
laugh too hard, this is the one joke in the movie
your date will not find funny.)
The movie is a fun and engaging romp
combining undercover police antics with a decent
commentary on the world of beauty pageants and the
girls in them.
And granted it’s hard to watch Michael
Caine play a barely closeted gay man, but, as is in
all things, he’s funny.
She will enjoy it and you will survive it.
The credits will roll and you will think,
“Hey, that wasn’t so bad,” and you will be
ready for whatever happens next.
Days will pass and the inanity of the ending
will sink in and you will realize the movie was
worse than you thought, but it won’t matter at
that point because you will have scored points for
watching a decidedly female film… and you will
have survived for the benefit of all men.
So, like the ground you will be standing on if you
pull it off… Miss
Congeniality is Solid.
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