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Pearl
Harbor: A Review That Doesn’t Mention Saving
Private Ryan or Titanic
by Michael Flanagan
Wimpy*
Michael Bay’s
“historical” account of the bombing of Pearl
Harbor is a good movie.
Then again, Michael Bay’s action
movie/romance film set at the time of the
bombing of Pearl Harbor is not a good movie.
In retrospect, one could divide Pearl
Harbor into two sections: the romance and
the War. In
doing this, one is left with one powerful
engrossing film that is almost too realistic in
its depictions of death and murder.
One is also left with a boring love
triangle that, metaphorically speaking, starts
and ends with less excitement than watching
painted clothes dry in a spinning Laundromat
dryer. Mixed
metaphor, you suggest?
No. Mixed movie.
The love-triangle between
the three main characters holds no chemistry,
poignancy, or believability.
In a film that’s almost three hours
long, I would expect to at least remember their
names; I do not.
Nor do I care to look them up or even try
to recall them. The actors, however, do a fine job portraying these pointless
individuals.
Ben Affleck was…well…Ben Affleck.
The up-and-coming Josh Hartnett played
his limited role with more gusto than any other
actor in the movie.
Kate Beckinsale is a better actor and
much more classically beautiful than Liv Tyler
(of Bay’s summer-blockbuster Armageddon),
yet she still manages to bring the actor to mind
in her performance.
The romance between the three, however,
is poorly written and poorly paced.
The tripe dialogue is surprising, as it
is written by Braveheart scribe Randall
Wallace. The biggest wall the screenplay fails to ascend is the
post-bombing continuation of the relationship.
The characters seem unaffected by the
3000 people that died around them, and are more
concerned with the uncomfortable situation of
the triangle.
In one scene, when Affleck and Hartnett
find Beckinsale and ask to help her in the
hospital, the three exchange a glance that seems
to come directly from an episode of
“Dawson’s Creek.”
Pearl Harbor was just bombed!
People are burning alive, not just in the
water, but in the hospital room next door!
The phrase that continuously ran through
my mind, beginning at this point and continuing
through the rest of the movie was, “Who cares?”
The
poorly established romance should have ended
with the attack on Pearl Harbor.
The war elements of the
film were outstanding.
The scenes with the Japanese planning the
attack were very interesting.
In one of these, an officer informs
Admiral Yamamoto that he is a brilliant man.
Yamamoto replies, “A brilliant man
would find a way not to fight a war.”
The line is as real as it is powerful.
The actual attack is devastating.
Bay presents the bombing for about 40
minutes without letting up, and he continues
with a powerful aftermath of men burning,
drowning, and dying.
The only negative aspect of the entire
attack is in the hospital.
For scenes featuring large rooms filled
with bleeding and dying people, Bay uses a gauze
filter. With
such ferocity of power in his presentation, to
suddenly deny the audience the truth takes away
from the pacing, as well as the quality of the
film. But
as a whole, the attack is so powerful that the
rest of the movie never manages to achieve this
higher level, which would be fine if the film
soon ended.
Instead, there’s another hour of love
triangle entwined with retaliation. The war-related scenes of the retaliation are rushed and
mediocre. Alec
Baldwin plays Doolittle as a farcical John
Wayne, uttering such vinegar-coated lines as,
“there’s nothing stronger than the heart of
a volunteer.” And by this time, the romance has faded into padding.
Overall, Pearl Harbor
doesn’t achieve its goal.
While Bay handles the battles
wonderfully, he falls short—very short—when
it comes to bringing the human drama to a
personal level.
The brilliant marketability of the movie
ended up causing its greatest deficiency: how do
you make a World War II film that’s appealing
to the Scream audiences, the Michael Bay
action-packed explosorama fans, and those
interested in the truth of war, destruction, and
one of the greatest defeats—and victories—in
American history?
In this overblown juggling act, Michael
Bay and producer Jerry Bruckheimer have dropped
the balls.
DVD
Update
This DVD meets the
standard of the film. The movie is
divided into 2 discs, because it's too long
and boring to fit onto one. Basically,
you have to get up and change discs after
the attack when there's really no need for
more movie anyway. The making of
documentary is good, explaining how they did
the attack. Some of it is actually
pretty interesting, especially the material
on Bay borrowing naval ships and classic
planes. Of course, it doesn't even
mention the rest of the film, which is
further proof that Bay was wasting our
time. The rest is pretty
pointless. Some marketing fluff, a
preview of the National Geographic special
comparing the film to reality which is
probably actually good, and trailers.
No commentary, no deleted scenes, no
good. The best part of the disc is
that you can skip directly to the attack,
which is the only worthwhile part, but the
problems listed above aren't improved.
Bay is releasing a super special addition
sometime in the future where he actually
changed the movie. Unless he put in a
real plot, I doubt it will help. DVD
Rating: Wimpy
*[Editor's Note]
I have gone back and changed my original
rating of the movie from Solid to
Wimpy. After a second viewing, I
realize it has no worthwhile meaning.
I cannot, in all good conscience, put this
film in the same category as Dude,
Where's My Car.
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The most accurate Documentary I have
seen.... 
