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Mark Capitelli

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Mark's Little Bio

written by Enrico Cubavera

 
On the 23rd day of July in 1978 the world witnessed the birth of a legend.  Mark Capitelli was born to an Irish-Italian seamstress and a Sperm Whale living in the infamous badlands of Hokkaido Japan.

He grew up tough fighting snow monkeys in the early 1980's and made a name for himself as the original front- man for Technotronic until he was replaced in 1987. He gained his fortune and his infamy by flogging unruly peasants for the Danish Royal Family in the early 1990's.

He returned to the United States in 1994 to attend The Lakeview Girls' Academy of Connecticut for proper schooling.  After a proper schooling, he was transferred to the Pantera Juvenile Detention Facility of Oregon two weeks later.

He was finally released from his protective crate three years later so that he could address the United Nations regarding the Asian snow monkey crisis of 1997.  He soon took up with a young Angelina Jolie and proceeded to ruin her clean-cut schoolgirl image forever.  They remain close friends to this day, and Mark waters her begonias weekly.

After single-handedly starting the Y2K rumor and igniting the Latin Music craze in the early 2000's, he finally settled down and married his pet Chinchilla, Elvira, in 2004.

Today he reviews films and anime for HugeReviews.com from random locations around the globe.  If you have any information regarding this man-beast's last whereabouts, please contact authorities immediately.  

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