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How to Write a Movie Review
by Christian De Matteo
First of all, what did
you think? Don’t write it, just think it.
Take a stab at a
rating: Pathetic, Wimpy, Solid, Super, HUGE. Click
here to see what they all mean.
Now that you’ve decided
that, we need to pick a format to write the review in.
One good way to start is to let the readers know what
you were expecting going into the movie. We all go into
a flick wanting something. You want it to be great, you
want it to be hysterical, you want it to be romantic,
or, if your significant other made you go see it, you
want it to be over. What were you hoping for,
expecting, praying for, or really just wanting going
in? Tell us.
After we know what you
wanted, we’re now prepared to find out what you think of
it now that you’ve seen it. Hey wait a minute, you’re
thinking, shouldn’t I say what the movie’s about? I
suppose you could. You certainly don’t have to, though,
because chances are, if someone’s reading your review,
it’s probably because they’re already aware of the movie
and wanted to know, not what it was about, but if it was
any good. If you do feel the need the summarize the
movie, remember this:
A)
Keep it BREIF
B)
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER give away the ending.
If you do give away the ending, I
myself will find out where you live, tie you to a chair
and spend days telling you the endings of great and fun
movies.
In line with that, don't ever, ever give away major plot
points, unless you absolutely have to in which case,
don't forget the internet-appropriate, Emily Post rules
to put this sign before and after spoilers:
***SPOILER*** and then ***END SPOILER***.
So what did you think?
Did the movie live up to your expectations? Did it
exceed them? Did it do something you completely didn’t
think it would do? I remember, for example, being a
high school student and going to see what had to be a
hysterical new Robin Williams film, Jack, and finding
myself tearing up and often bubbling over because it was
so damn sad. It was still very good, but it wasn’t what I
expected. What did you think?
So if you liked it,
what stood out? What impressed you? How were the
actors performances? How was the directing? How was
the script-writing? Did the dialogue seem real or
ridiculous? How did the actors deliver the lines?
If you didn’t like it,
why? What particularly sucked? What blew so hard, the
back of your living room actually fell down? What was
it that made this movie completely, totally and utterly
insipid? (If you don’t know what that word means, look
it up: Particularly cruel words are handy when you’re
writing a negative movie review.)
And then, finally,
comes your conclusion: Now that you have watched this
film, now that you’ve had time to contemplate it,
ruminate on it, and take it all in, what is your final
feeling on the film? Should I, your loyal reader, go
see it, rent it, or avoid it like sex with Magic Johnson
(metaphors, similes, and other creative comparisons can
really help you get a point across).
Be firm, be fun, be
honest and be interesting as hell.
Do all of the above and
we’ll take your opinion into consideration… or hate you
for it, which frankly is just as rewarding for you.
Screw ‘em
if they can’t take a joke. |
