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Jon Voight's Balls
by Christian De Matteo
Pathetic
If you don't know
understand the title of this review, order this immediately:
...and then listen to
the track entitled, At Midnight I will Murder George
Lucas with a shovel. All will be revealed, and
you too will know how to use Jon Voight's balls...
the term that is.
Because, really,
that's all Saw V is. Some of you will remember
that recently I reviewed Saw IV very positively as I
was impressed not only with the film itself, but
more so with the possibilities of the fifth film,
the implications of the plot that would have to be
dealt with.
And dealt with they
are in Saw V. In the first f**king five
minutes, as unceremoniously as possible, having
successfully drained all interest, feeling, emotion
and, most importantly, excitement from the set-up
that they spent TWO MOVIES developing. That's
right, dealt with in five minutes.
Well, clearly, if
they did something as extreme as trash a brilliant
set-up, they must have done so because they had
something mind-blowingly awesome and shocking to
replace it with... right? Wrong.
Wrong as you could possibly in fact.
Wrong, I'd go so far
as to say, as they could possibly be.
What they've replaced
two years worth of pacing and plotting with is a
back story. And not even a bad one, but one we
don't need. In fact, Saw V is one we don't
need. The entire movie, and trust me, I
couldn't give anything away if I wanted to, I'd have
to create that anything first, can be completely
skipped as all it is, is an hour and a half trek
through the past four entries into the series,
inserting a character who, not only is completely
un-engaging, but who we already gathered was now
behind everything. And, since we know this
from the outset of the film, we have to watch
another completely uninteresting character figure
out what we already know, while a handful of
unimportant side characters go through "Saw" style
tortures that seem like they came from the equipment
Jigsaw rejected as uninteresting and stupid.
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